75.

I'm terrified. I'm scared of living a bleak existence. Of finding out, after all I've dreamed of and hoped for, that I made little to no impact on the world. Of being alone for the rest of my life. But most of all, I'm absolutely petrified that everything I love is the result of a trite, media-driven desire to be one of the indie realm's manic pixie dream girls. That I'll wake up and realize that I'm just a skinny-jean wearing, Zooey Deschanel-loving Penny Lane-wannabe. All of these things deserve to be loved in their own right, it's true. But I worry if I love them for the right reasons. Do I love them because they strike a chord with my soul, or because its the crowd I can fit closest with. Or because, at the end of all things, twilight and soft focus don't show all the flaws?

In the New Year

It's hard to believe that it's 2010 already. Resolutions include but are not limited to: leaving college the same weight I entered it, creating more style posts (interesting posts in general, I've become so dull lately), reading more non-school-related books, cooking more frequently (perhaps a separate cooking blog, a la Julie Powell?)

Steps towards making my resolutions reality: registering for yoga classes (twice a week!), purchasing said non-school-related books, amassing a cook book (binder?), and working at j.crew all holiday. Moving on!

Things in 2010 that I'm looking forward to:

• Laura Veirs' new album July Flame: Colin Meloy tweeted about the full length album's NPR stream. I'd heard her open for the Decemberists when I saw them in concert back in . . . October? September? Anyway, she was most excellent, in the dreamy yet complex manner of the music scene in the Pacific Northwest. The album drops January 12, 2010, and I can't wait to buy it off iTunes (all legal-like, because mama raised me right.)
  I recommend the title track, July Flame. You can download it for free from her record company, Raven Marching Band.
  
• She & Him, Volume 2: Zooey Deschanel (see label: girl crush) and M.Ward will be releasing their new album on March 23, 2010. The track list looks fantastic, and I, like any self-respecting kid with a shred of indie cred, (rhyme unintentional, I assure you) am thoroughly in love with them.
• The Runaways: Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett? Yes, please.

• Getting a Blackberry (the violet one, I think. it's just too pretty for words)
• Viewing the world like this:

More Lady Gaga, because I love her.

End of the Year

Yesterday night it began to snow. Only a few short hours ago, it stopped. The neighborhood is covered in a blanket of snow, a shimmering powder that coats the black asphalt and buries the automobiles. If I squint my eyes for a moment, I can imagine that cell phones, cars, and computers don't exist. My sleep schedule is hopelessly skewed, as it often is when I come home from school. I spent the early hours of the morning in an overstuffed chair, wrapped in a blanket. I watched the snowfall outside the window, past our second Christmas tree. It is a fake one that my mother decorates with our old homemade ornaments, so that people may see it in the window. The cold weather reminds me, more than coming home for winter break, more than Christmas carols and the smell of baking cookies, that 2009 is almost over. Not only will a new decade begin, but a new chapter of my life. College is ending and I will move on to . . . something. Graduate school, a job, I'm not sure. And I'm not overly fond of the uncertainty either. But it does make you reflect upon the past year. This year was particularly eventful for me, in terms of my musical expansion. I began to discover music on my own, which is pretty exciting! So here's my own little end of the year album list, for what it's worth, with no explanations, and no adjectives.


-The Hazards of Love by the decemberists
- Middle Cyclone by neko case
- Lungs by florence + the machine
- It's Bliss by yeah yeah yeahs
- Fantasies by metric
- Give Up the Ghost by brandi carlile
- Two Suns by bat for lashes
- Hold Time by m. ward
- Horehound by the dead weather

So. I never really discuss my growing affection for country music. Taylor Swift is adorable, and I'm going to see her when she comes to town. I love the Dixie Chicks post-pissing off Bush music, and I've blogged about my love of southern 70s rock music. But it all kind of started with Brandi Carlile, and her first album. The first single 'The Story,' was not my cup of tea, at first. But the more I listened to it, the more I began to appreciate the passion and honesty in her voice. As my tastes spread to a more folk sound, I discovered that that honesty is predominant in the best folk music, from Bob Dylan to the Weepies. And that's what makes it worth listening to. It's not a gimmick, or a ploy. It's the way people feel, stripped of any sort of pretense. I wish I had the courage to express myself like that.




other songs: jolene by the weepies, it takes a lot to laugh, it takes a train to cry by bob dylan

Just some early morning thoughts.

You know, it really ticks me off when people make fun of Bono for being an activist. He's using his celebrity for something good. Channeling it to attempt to make a difference, and not just be the face of whatever brand, or his own tv show, or whatever. And yeah, he preaches a bit. But he preaches what he believes in. And that deserves respect, I think. And we need more people like him in the world.

This sort of thing makes me happy.